#god I hate learning vocab

[slvtforasht0n]

Jealousy, jealousy

title inspired by Olivia Rodrigo’s track on Sour

.✦ || Boyfriend!Ash x Reader

.✦ || This is your first time being a stagehand at your boyfriend and his band’s show. Even though you couldn’t watch him perform, a particular interaction between him and a female fan piqued your interest. You couldn’t help but look, ought to see what’s happening. Instead, jealousy gets the better of you once you see what’s really going on, your mood permanently shifted. At least, that’s what it felt like.

A/N: first half is highly based on that one interaction that happened in the 5SOS diaries. forever jealous of that girl lol. anyway, i hope you like what i’ve brought out for you for my first post ever. kinda always wanted a tumblr account to post every idea or blurb i get, but ya girl can be very very lazy sometimes.

inspired to write smut ever since i had wattpad. saying this loud and proud. loved duplicity, stall and malignant so there’s that random fact (turn it up for all the other harries/directioners reading this)

i don’t write that much so i’m still trying to improve wherever i need to. ps. english isn’t my first language, so if you do spot grammer/vocab mistakes, it’s not on me sista, still learning:3 sooo i guess i’ll just finish it off by saying this; sit back, relax and enjoy :^)

CONTENT WARNING: fluff & smut, praise kink, oral (m!receiving), spitting, sliiiight dirty talking

WORD COUNT: 5,2k

────୨ৎ────

As much as you hate your boyfriend in this moment— he wriggled his way to here. His hands all over your frame, reaching to every spot he can find, almost as if his hands have a mind of their own.

His kisses grow more impatient, needy and full of want. Drawing gentle circles against the small strip of bare skin on your back, making you both break the kiss apart with a small gasp.

You weren’t sure of your emotions. Did you want to continue and make him have his way with you? Or did you want to push him away and strangle the living hell out of him?

A faint whimper escapes your lips in between the kiss, his hand traveling down to the heat between your clothed legs. That feeling alone begs to differ. As much as you don’t want to admit to it. You still have that small abhor, but also intense jealousy from what happened prior to all of this.

He breaks the kiss apart, his eyes finding yours. The hazelly green forest almost dispersed into his black pupils, blown out and primed. Fuck… you think to yourself. He looks so provocatively striking, like an erotic sex-god, which is enough to drive you wild— both in a good and a bad way.

“Let me make it up to you, amore mio.” He prompts, his hands finding your waist again to pull you in closer, showing you how induced he is, the want and need inside of him written all over his face.

—

This day has been…chaotic, booked, a haywire of physical and mental exertion that drove you into madness. Almost. You only had a 20 minute break before going back to work, crew following along, five different people guffing into your earpiece that just rubs you the wrong way. Being irritated isn’t even slightly nearing to what you’re actually feeling.

Finally, you walked inside the venue, a moment of calm before the storm. Happy you can let your guard down for another minute or two. You take a deep breath, moving scenery and props along with two other crew members, joining in after your one true moment of silence.

Being a stagehand at a show of your own boyfriend is uncommon, just something you’re not really used to. You’re not sure if you’re able to keep your cool seeing Ashton on stage, beating those drums expertisely, face etched into pure concentration. You always found it to be a work of art, to see your boyfriend practicing at home or somewhere that isn’t on a stage.

But hey, you bite the bullet once it’s showtime, having to face away from the stage, meanwhile he’ll be there to steal the show.

The crew had cued that the band arrived several moments later, and as much as you want to run away to find him, you’re still stuck planning, discussing and arranging tonight’s act.

Hours have passed on and exhaustion seemed to get the better of you. The small gig now filled with a couple of thousands of fangirls, boys, moms, dads, you name it. Two thousand to be exact. You’re not sure if it makes you intrigued, or uncomfortable. Either way, you find yourself lucky you’re not in that crammed crowd.

Playing more intimate, smaller shows was out of the ordinary for the band, something they wouldn’t have done a year ago or two.

The show has started not long after, and your back is facing the stage, eyes on all of these screaming fangirls for their idols in front of them, hands in the air, phones recording, but mainly their loud screams that’s luckily muffled by your in-ears. All you could do is focus on the beat of the drums, imagining his every movement of prowess, how trickles of sweat is already forming on his forehead.

You don’t have it in you not to look, so you do. Just the smallest of sneak-peak. Though, his eyes immediately found yours, like all of his focus was on the back of your head this whole time. Your heart starts to pound faster against your chest, turning your head back to the crowd ahead. Just keep your cool… keep your cool— You have to remind yourself every minute. Or rather every second.

You’re glued to the spot, making sure everyone’s safe and sound. However, there’s a small interaction going on between a fan and… Ashton. His voice being heard through the microphone gives you some sort of solace, your focal point on every pronunciation and syllable on the words that falls from his lips.

This particular interaction is focused on the fan’s cardboard sign, stipulating that it’s her twenty first birthday and now legal to drink, suggesting Ashton a shot. They expeditiously agree and brought the stunned girl up stage. Your eyes followed hers, turning around to look at the stage ahead. You didn’t have the heart in you to dismiss this and act like nothing’s going on.

Ashton’s change of demeanour, presence next to this fan, and just the overall vibes he’s got going on throws you right off the wall. It’s like he’s throwing her a curveball of coy behaviour, something that doesn’t sit right with you. It’s either that or you’re overthinking it. But then again, you might not be, especially having your eyes glued on him right now, watching him unfold into someone he’s not.

You hate it. You hated every second of it, watching the scene ahead. She gets to be the one giving your sweaty boyfriend a hug, a prolonged hug. Sharing a shot, looking into his eyes- him looking into her eyes. It’s like hot steams are blowing out of your ears by how much you hate seeing this with your own eyes. If it were possible, you’d throw Ashton’s drum kit right to his head out of spite and anger. You can’t believe him.

You’re definitely not overthinking, since you’ve picked up on him being ‘the man of the show’. Trying to seem more charming and appealing, in all the wrong ways. You know he loves getting this type of attention, boosts his ego in the wrong way and you’d love to just kick him right in the nuts.

Once the show’s over, you’re finally in your own privacy, changing your uniform to your day to day outerwear. A knock is heard on the door, catching you out of your hazy thoughts, while also feeling jealous and incensed. You open the door and you’re immediately knocked down with a feather.

“What are you doing here?” you utter, laced in a grim tone, not expecting to see his cheery face. Ashton stands in front of you, eyebrows raised by your surprising outburst.

“Checking in on my girlfriend. What else would I be doing?” He responds nonchalantly, entering the small room without needing to ask for permission. Of course he wouldn’t.

He runs a hand through his damp curls, looking around the room before looking back to you. It’s like he struggles to read you and why you’re not responding to him, why you’re facing away from him. “Hey…” He starts off, walking up to you and placing his hands on your waist, making you turn around to face him.

You push his hands off your body almost immediately, his eyes on stalks. “Baby, what’s wrong?” he counters, his eyes searching yours.

The more he acts this oblivious, the more you want to give into the idea of kicking him in the nuts and walking out of this room. You decide to just tell him before he’s going for the the well known question ‘are you on your period?’.

“The fuck was that up stage?” you angrily mutter, crossing your arms over your chest.

He seems confused, which is one more reason to be angry at him. How can he be so painfully heedless? You desperately need to just knock some sense into that thick skull of his.

“What?” he raises his arms in an ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ motion.

“Oh, so now you’ve got memory loss? Great.” you roll your eyes, facing the other way instead of him. Again. How can a human being manage to piss you off this much? It’s inane.

“Amore… tell me.” He waits for you to say something, anything at all, but all you do is stand there and glare, causing him to take a step closer to you. “Was it the girl who I did a shot with?”

Bingo.

You can’t help but roll your eyes again, as if it wasn’t that obvious why you’d be mad at him about that in the first place.

“Oh come on… Nothing happened, alright? Just did her a favour and probably made her whole night.”

“Yeah, right.” You bite back immediately, not buying any of the bullshit he’s spitting. You can’t even look him in the eyes. You’re deranged in anger, but also so confused and hurt. He’d never gone this close to a girl before in all the months you’ve been dating, so he surely needs to understand why you’re acting the way you are.

“Why are you making a big deal out of this?” he murmurs, managing to boil your blood to the point you could burn anything you touch into ashes.

“Are you kidding me, Ash?” you poss in vexation, glaring through his soul. Words can’t express how tense you’re getting and how much you want to wipe that foolish smirk off his face.

“Babe, you can’t be serious, can you?” He sneers, his eyes giving you a once over. You only let out a frustrated sigh, turning your back to him a third time.

You don’t know what he deserves more, a sucker punch right to his jaw or the infamous silent treatment. Maybe both could give him a well-earned reality check.

“Are you seriously mad about some measly fucking interaction? Really, Y/N?” he huffs, seeming more annoyed than amused this time. Which makes you, on the other hand, infuriated by even more rage.

The way he acts so unbothered is insufferable. You turn on your heel, facing him, an angry etched expression on your face he certainly can’t dismiss now. “You were flirting with her, you ass! Right in front of me!” You bark back, sick of his apathetic state. Just utterly sick of him.

“I wasn’t, Y/N! Why would you even think that?” he retorts, his obliviousness turning into annoyance, his arms now crossed over his chest as well.

You don’t respond, only letting out a spiteful scoff, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I really don’t see what’s wrong here. You have no reason to be mad at me. None.” he mutters, which is just the cherry on the cake, isn’t it? You let out another angry huff before turning on your heel and leaving him in the room, despite it being yours.

However, you’re not as quick as you thought you were as he catches your wrist, wrapping his hand around it and pulling you closer to him.

“Don’t run away from me, baby. None of that bullshit. Talk it out with me, curse me out, just don’t ever shut me out, okay?” he calmly explains, his eyes trained on yours with his eyebrows creased together in concentration on you. Only you. You take a deep breath, flicking your eyes in between his.

“Why were you flirting with that girl?” you ask after a long pause, your eyes focusing on that one curl that fell on his forehead.

“I wasn’t.” He responds, and it just made you feel even more obscured from this ridiculous situation that brought tension between you two.

You’re starting to think you might be overdoing it. Might be a bit of the jealous kind and just making this ought to paint you to be dramatic.

“Is that all you have to say?” you mask getting offended by his short, incoherent reply, just by answering repulsively back.

“What more can I say then? You’re making a mountain out of a molehill here.” He crosses his arms again, and it just messes with your head on what type of emotions and feelings are coursing through him. What his thought process is, ‘cause he’s doing everything he can to dismiss the issue. Dismissing your feelings that are as valid as can be. At least that’s what you wanna think.

“Never mind.” You pull away from his grip, sitting down at the nearest couch. You’re done trying to argue to a wall, because that’s the position you feel like you’re in, feeling trapped in a loophole if he continues to act this clueless.

He looks over at you, no remorse whatsoever, and that somehow rises more anger out of you, though you make sure you keep your poker-face. There’s no point anymore if he won’t try to understand you.

“Are ya really just gonna sit there and stare?” he asks. But after a long pause, he just knows there’s not going to be a reply.

“Silent treatment won’t solve anything, love.” he adds, looking at you across the room, his eyebrows furrowed as he runs his hand through his hair again.

“Y/N…Just quit it already, will ya?” he grows more annoyed and impatient by your attitude. However, nothing will make you utter out a word again. Not when he at least attempts to apologise.

“Fuck’s sake, Y/N… I don’t have time for this. I’m sorry, alright? I wasn’t flirting with the girl- would never do that.”

You think to yourself you might have overexaggerated on wanting an attempted apology, cause it just pisses you off even more.

“Talk to me…” he prompts, taking a few steps closer to you.

You don’t respond, and he takes it as some sort of indication to stride closer. He takes your hands in his, pulling you up to your feet and cupping your jaw, making sure you look him in the eyes. “Please?”

You hate him. You hate him so much you’re becoming a tough nut to crack, and he’s fully aware of that. He knows how stubborn and jealous you can get over the smallest things. Still, you don’t know where his mind is.

He pulls you in for a kiss, connecting his lips with yours, catching you by surprise. His hands are trailing down your body and reposing on your waist, pulling you closer than before.

If this is how he ventures his way out to say sorry to you, when you can’t take it as a simple word, you’re not…entirely against it.

You stare profoundly into his eyes after he breaks the kiss, his eyes searching yours—But your feelings are very conflicting. You so want to give in, but you’re still mad. And you still hate him. Well, you’re trying to make yourself hate him.

It feels like it’s been ages since you’ve uttered out a word, but that’s none of your concern as you pull him in for another heated kiss, your hand finding its way through his tousled hair, earning a soft groan on his end. His tongue slips out and swipes at your bottom lip, asking for permission to enter your mouth as you oblige immediately.

He has you fully wrapped around your finger. You can’t even be mad at him anymore, even if it’s play pretend.

His hands are on your waist, but it didn’t take long before one hand slips between your legs, making you instantly weak in the knees.

“Let me make it up to you, amore mio.” replays in your mind over and over when you brought him in for another desperate kiss, pouring out all of your feelings and love for him. The way he said it, the desperation in his voice and his dilated eyes— you can never say no to that. You need him.

You’re a hot mess, letting out huffs of pleasure as he continues to palm you through your jeans, like an attempt to hear you, even if it’s not through articulated words.

He pulls away from your lips, traveling his heated series of kisses down to your pulse-point, eliciting another hot whimper out of you. You’re dazed and all you want is more. More of him. Just more.

He hoists you up, your legs immediately clinging around his hips as he leads you towards the small couch, laying you down and hovering his body over yours.

He’s such a sight for sore eyes, carrying the grace of dawn and the mystery of dusk. Your eyes wandering over every feature of his face, just taking him in. He bites back a smile, his eyes lingering on your chest, then back to your eyes. “Want me to make you feel good, yeah?” his voice is ragged with desire, low and husky that has such a toll on you.

He goes back in for a fervent kiss before you could even respond, pouring out all of his love for you that makes you forget the anger you once had a thousand times more. Your hands wander over his shoulders, all the way down to his hips, pulling him in closer, trapping him in between your thighs and wrapping your legs around his waist.

He lets out a low grunt in between the kiss, his hips grinding against your heat, drawing out another small sound out of you. His hands that has a mind of its own fondling your breasts through the thin material of your shirt, like he couldn’t get enough of you and he physically needs more. You want more of him too, totally entranced by him, the heat of desire pooling in between your legs with an intensified want to have him in ways that’s unrefined. He moves towards the crook of your neck again, marking you up as his.

You’re already impatient as is, your uncoordinated fingers fumbling with his belt, like you can’t stand seeing him in clothes for another wasted second. He lets you, still immersed in marking your neck up, making sure there are angry marks left behind.

Once you’ve found the zipper of his tight jeans, you tug the material down, his hands coming in rescue and helping himself out of his jeans. In an instant, he pulls at the hem of your shirt, dragging the material over your head and throwing it somewhere in the room. Your eyes have wandered off to the door behind him and suddenly you’re too aware that someone could walk in easily.

“Babe… this room has no lock.” you mention, evoking a small smirk on his face. “Don’t you think it’s more fun that way? No one’s gonna come in.” He teases, eyes shamelessly staring at your bra, like he’s trying to smog up the power to disappear things with his mind.

“But-“ he’s quick to pipe you down by a kiss on the lips. “No ‘but’s’, you’re safe with me, amore.”

You pull him back in, sick of prolonging this any longer and seriously needing a good fuck if he’s gonna make it worth the while. If this is his way to at least attempt to apologise, then he better makes it good. Not that he has ever disappointed you in that division.

He hovers over you again, faces inches from yours, his hand snaking under your back to unclasp your bra in what feels like a nanosecond. He pulls the material off your body like it’s some sort of pest- like he’s been wanting it off since the moment he had laid eyes on you. He nips and sucks at your skin, hands exploring every inch of you. He licks a stripe right above your boobs, staring up at you with a well-known grin, eager to have his way with you.

He swipes his tongue over your sensitive nipple, lapping you up and then latching you in between his lips, paying great attention to you with his mouth, suckling and nibbling on your flesh. His other hand wanders to your untended breast, his fingers playing with the other nipple. You let out a soft whimper, already captivated by his fervent skills, your fingers threading through his soft curls.

Your eyes catches his, a sultry grin appearing on his face that has you overdriven with more arousal, more desire for him.

He moves to your other nipple, giving it the same, equal attention, drawing even more sounds and pants out of you.

All you really want is for him to hurry up. Your mind can’t get off of that damned door that has no lock on it, and he’s about to undress you intimately, which has made you apprehensive. He quickly catches on by your stiff demeanour and he lowers himself down, licking a long strip down your bare stomach- trying to make you forget about the door.

You lull your head back, your breath ragged and uneven as you tug at his golden strands tighter than before, earning a low grunt from him. He sure knows how to make you forget about stuff in an instant.

He has his hands on each side of your hips, trailing them towards the button of your black jeans. He works his way to get you out of your clothes, fast and determined, pulling the fabric down your thighs as you help him kick off the material.

“So gorgeous f’me, amore.” he grunts, quickly discarding his shirt off of him, accentuating his perfect, sweaty body to you, the sculputred abs and delicious pecs staring right at you as we speak. You sit up straight on the couch with only the flimsy laced underwear you’re wearing covering three percent of your body at most.

His eyes widen the moment you drop down to your knees in front of him, head-level with the black boxer briefs clung tightly on him. It highlights the swell of his tent that’s covered by the thin material of his Calvin Kleins. Your doe-eyed expression seems to get the better of him, already biting his bottom lip from your sight.

You waste no time, hooking your fingers under the material of his boxers, sliding them down ‘till they drop to his feet. He’s quick when it comes to stepping out of them, eager for you.

You’ve seen him like this before, plenty of times even, but right now— it’s like his arousal is as painful as it seems. His tip an angry shade of pink, pre-cum glazing down to his shaft. His breathing is laboured, his eyes concentrated on you, like he’s trying to moderate himself, keeping everything under control before he snaps.

You wrap your hand around his cock, the smallest of touch already making him hiss in pleasure. With deep shared eye contact, you start to pump him slowly, collecting the pre-cum that’s spilling out of him, whirling it over his tip, eliciting another desperate whimper from his agape lips. His eyebrows are creased, the purity in his eyes completely gone- reciprocated into something more coarse and obscene.

“Baby.. open your mouth.” he demands in a breathier tone, and you instantly oblige. With that, he cups your jaw with both of his large hands, his eyes intensely staring at yours. You don’t know what to expect, but he stars to hover over you, his face significantly closer to yours. He gives you that snarky smirk you know all too well, and then makes sure to lift your jaw a little up higher as he spits into your mouth without caution. Your eyes widen a little, his spit landing right on your tongue.

“Now swallow f’me, amore.” he orders, and you do exactly as he says.

Jesus…even in times like these— he still tastes divine.

His one hand threads through your hair, his other leaving the underside of your chin. “Show me what you’ve got…be my good girl.” he growls, standing up straight. You’re completely gone off guard by this small interaction between you and him, but you quickly shake it off, your trembly hand going back to where it was before.

You lick a strip up over his shaft, swirling your tongue on his tip that has him already writhing for more. You finally take him in your mouth, wrapping your lips sweetly around him and taking him inch by inch, a swall groan leaving his lips in exchange.

You set up a space, sucking him as you wrap your hand around the part that doesn’t fit in your mouth, his hand threading in your hair expeditiously. Low grunts and groans escapes his mouth, totally entranced by your ministrations as he couldn’t help but thrust forward, meeting your pace and rhythm all. He hits the back of your throat at every thrust, tears already brimming in your eyes that eventually seeps down to your cheeks. You couldn’t help but suck him with more precision, eyes deeply concentrated on his breathtaking face.

The desperation and anguish is written all over him, like he couldn’t bear this and needs you in ways where it’s humanly impossible to describe. Sweat already trickles over his forehead, eyes pleading for you, in a way that makes you believe his pupils are contorted into spelling your name- his want like a screeching howl that blares through your eardrums.

In a quick motion, he pulls out of you and you take your time to catch your breath, heaving them out like you’ve ran a marathon, quickly wiping your mouth with the back of your hand. He pulls you to your feet, hands on your hips and instantly pushing you backwards on the couch as your back hits the cushions, laying flat on the surface. Hovering over you, he delicately scans his eyes over your whole frame, taking in every detail from your tousled hair to your almost naked self. He traps himself in between your spread out legs, his length making contact with your lower abdomen, causing a shiver to run down your spine.

His arms are on each side of you, a few strands of his curls hanging over his forehead. “Need to fuck you, baby. Need you right now.” He murmurs, his voice hoarse and his tone laced in pure lust.

You bite your bottom lip as he positions you, hands firmly grasping your hips in desperation. “Please…” You utter out, the only thing your lips can form as a sole word, while your mind is going a million miles an hour with how much you have to say.

The warmth of his palms are soon replaced by the cool air hitting your hips, his hands sliding down to your thighs as his fingers prudently play with the lace of your underwear. “So beautiful…” He murmurs in almost a whisper. “I only have eyes for you, you know that right?” He adds, his eyes searching yours.

You nod, examining him. “I know...” you reply in a soft mumble and his lips quirk up in a lopsided smile.

You glance down his body, and the sight alone has you as weak as water. He pumps himself a few times, eyes still trained on yours. He pulls at the laced material of your panties, prodding his length right under the fabric as he teasingly begins to rub himself against you. You let out a stifled moan, eyebrows creased upwards in simple pleasure. He’s fervent with you, fastening his pace ever so slightly that drives you insane. “So wet f’me, yeah?” he grunts, leaning down to capture your lips in a passionate kiss.

Your soft moans are muffled in between the kiss as his hand that rested on your hip is now gripping your thigh, quickly hooking it over his shoulder. He positions himself at your entrance, gliding himself inside you fervently with your panties now pushed aside. A soft gasp escapes your throat, head already lulled back by how full he’s making you feel once he’s fully inside. After making sure you adjust to him, he begins to set up a slow pace, hovering over your body even closer as this new profound feeling intensifies, hitting you in all the right places.

“So fucking pretty for me, baby… Let me hear you, yeah? Moan f’me…” he praises, and all you could do in response to that is grow louder- despite still being in a semi-public setting. There’s a small chance someone could walk in, or even hear you through the door, but your mind is elsewhere. It’s on him, totally engulfed in pleasure he gives you.

“Taking me so well…” He pants, heaving out breaths as his thrusts start to become rougher, dragging out more moans out of you. “So good for me, aren’t you? Gonna fill you up so well...” He continues, his hands trailing over every inch of your body, fingers lightly pinching at your nipples, eliciting another whimpery moan from your lips.

He continues to thrust into you deliciously, hooking your other leg over his other shoulder, this newfound angle hitting your sweet spot delightfully over and over again. Moans spill out of you in an overwhelming sensation, that’s probably music to his ears by the way he’s thoroughly captivated by you.

His own moans fall from his lips once your hips buck up to match his rhythm of his thrusts. “I’m so close...” you heave out, eyes rolling to the back of your head. He takes this as a sign to fuck you harder. Rougher. Like he wants to break you in half.

He adds his thumb to your sensitive clit, drawing out louder moans, that has no way of becoming less when it’s only pitching up higher in decibels. “You’re so fucking hot, baby…So perfect.” he praises you, totally wrapped up in utter pleasure, the slapping sounds of skin on skin echoing through the room.

“Please…” you plead in a high whimper, not really sure why, but you’re completely overdriven in ecstasy, his thumb on your sensitivity never leaving you which adds to more pleasure, egging you on.

“Yeah, amore mio? Gonna give it to me, aren’t you? Show me… Show me how good I make you feel.” he groans completely out of breath, his chest glistening with his own sweat. He leans down, folding you in half like a damned pretzel, hitting you even deeper than before. He nips on the skin at the crook of your neck, humming against you.

“Making me feel so good…” he murmurs against your skin, his thrusts piercing more moans out of you, knowing how much you enjoy his rough side.

The bubbling feeling inside your lower abdomen intensifies by the minute, exhibiting that you’re nearing the finish line. He knows by your desperate pants and graphic sounds as he strives to get you to the pinnacle point of pleasure, picking up on his thrusts, fucking you harder against the cushions with fervor.

Your brain starts to feel like scrambled eggs, moving from left to right in a stirring pan as his lips finds yours in a sweet quick kiss, pulling away to look at you. His hands grip your waist as tight as ever, definitely leaving a mark behind. His whimpers like a melody you can never get sick of, no matter how many times you’re willing to repeat the same tune.

A few more thrusts in and you hear the familiar ringing in your ears as you near the edge completely, your climax washing over you like a tidal wave. You scream out his name in the process, clenching sweetly around him as he follows right behind you and finishes, trails of curse words falling from his lips in heavy grunts—filling you with his cum.

He unhooks your legs from his shoulders, pulling out of you with a small gasp. He crashes down next to you, heaving out hefty breaths. He wraps an arm around your shoulder, keeping you close to his glistening body. “See? You’re safe with me, just like I told you.” he breathes, letting out a soft chuckle.

You turn your face to look at him, a genuine smile formed on your lips, despite being completely out of breath. “Mmmh, never said you were wrong.”

He chuckles in response, planting a sweet kiss to your temple. “You felt incredible baby, definitely needed this after the show.”

You smile, all the anger and jealousy from before completely wiped off of you. “I always do.” you counter with a smug grin, giving him a bit of a tease.

“A win-win situation for me, eh?” He eyes you, eyebrows raised with a cheeky smile. You laugh, shaking your head. “Definitely.” You agree, a small giggle followed after.

“So… I take it that you’re not mad at me anymore?” He asks, his voice laced in a sincere tone.

You had almost forgotten about how immensely infuriated you were before this happened. “I forgive you.” you murmur, glancing at him.

“I mean it when I told you I only have eyes for you.” he utters, pulling you even closer than before, pecking the top of your head.

This was definitely a way to end the night, after a very small gig took place and how the man of your dreams next to you can have you riled up in anger as well as desire in the span of two seconds. You’re not complaining about it at all. You wouldn’t have him any other way— even if it means all the ups and downs that comes with it.

————

[avida-heidia-5]

Thanks muchly for the tag, @kaossbells! That was quite a challenge! I had to think really long and hard about some of these questions. 😮‍💨🥰😘

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

A measly 5. Yeeeeaaaah…I really need to post more stories more often! 😅 I’m more of an artist these days.

Luckily, I got infected by the writing bug this year thanks to my involvement in the F1 Big Bang fanfic event, so I hope that number will increase significantly this year. 🙏🏻

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 

18,354. Again, hoping for more.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly F1. I’m planning on writing more fandoms I have an interest in such as Merlin, Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, and The Legend Of Zelda. Maaaaaybe some Depeche Mode in the near future as well… 🤔

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 

1) Miracles Happen at the Right Place at the Right Time (F1)

2) As Drunk As A Finnish Brown Bear (F1)

3) Deep Tenebrosity (Merlin)

4) For The Sake Of Nature (F1)

5) My Soul Begs For Your Return (F1)

Yep, that’s all of them! 😅

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! 🥰🥰🥰🥰

For comments in general, oftentimes, I read a fic that’s so god tier that I don’t have any or enough words to express myself. If that happens, I always make sure to leave a comment anyway - descriptive or not - that I hope would make an author’s day. 💖

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably Deep Tenebrosity. It’s a bit open-ended and left to interpretation though as it’s an alternative scene of an episode of Merlin I wasn’t satisfied with. I’m definitely thinking of including some more angst for future fics though. It’s my favourite kind of ending compared to happy ones. Not that I hate happy endings. I love them, don’t get me wrong, I just love sad and angsty endings more.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Miracles Happen. It’s definitely the happiest ending I’ve written so far. The rest of my fics have either normal endings or sad ones.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nope! So far, at least.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It’s not on AO3 (yet!), but I’m working on sneaking some smut into a few chapters of For The Sake Of Nature. 😏 It’s a long way yet though, so don’t get tooo excited. Shan’t spoil… 🤐

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I’ve never written a crossover before. However, I’m thinking of writing a Depeche Mode/IAMX crossover fic at some point. It’s still in the planning stages, so nothing concrete yet. I need to finish all my other WIPs I have stacked up in my hard drive first before I get too ahead of myself! 😵‍💫💫 You know how it is.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

I would really love to pitch an idea to fanfic websites to put a watermark or a copyright filter on your own fanfics, if it’s even possible. Maybe a certificate of authenticity of some kind? I would happily do that to every single one of my fics to prevent dirty thieves from stealing them. Please, make it happen!!!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

No, as far as I’m aware.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

No, but I would really love to someday. 🤩

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 

If it’s F1 RPF, it’s a toss-up between Simi and Martian. But seeing as we’ve just had Simi day, I’ll go for them. They are just the sweetest pairing. 🥰😘

If it’s any other fandom, that’s a bit harder! I’ll say Blackbonnet from the OFMD fandom for now.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

For The Sake Of Nature, definitely! It’s a veeeeeeeery slooooooooooooooow process. I’ll get it done eventually! Promise! 😬🙏🏻

16. What are your writing strengths? 

I love being adventurous in my vocab when it comes to writing. I’ve read so many books and consumed so many dictionaries when I was very young, so that might have something to do with it. You learn a lot from reading books. From knowing how to structure a sentence, to how dialogue is written and where they’re appropriate to use, to certain language and behavioural ticks from characters, to describing unique locations and objects. It’s very fascinating and they help massively with my writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? 

The only thing I struggle with is not so much about the writing side of things, but it’s all about time management. As in making a plan of posting fanfics on certain dates and times and never getting around to doing it because of my usually packed schedule.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? 

I’m lucky to have friends on Discord and Tumblr who speak in their native tongues to help me out if I ever get stuck. I don’t trust the internet, so I rely on them for language authenticity.

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

Merlin!

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? 

Urrrrmmm…I don’t really have one! Though having said that, I enjoyed writing dialogue for Kimi in As Drunk As A Finnish Brown Bear! You can write absolutely anything when you’re writing a drunk Finn! Easiest job in the world! 🤣🤣🤣

I tag @miss-malheur, @msmirrorball21, @formulaes5, @hungriestheidi, @wanderingblindly, and anyone who sees this and wants to participate. Please ignore if you’ve already done this or don’t want to do it, that’s completely fine. 😊

[opt1mistic]

omg your poetry is god sent!!! where did you learn how to write like that??

hi hii, thank you so much!!!!!

when i was younger my mom used to force me to read poetry and stuff. at one point she even made me read the bible……….tbh i hate writing poetry, i feels like a punishment sometimes…but i just kinda write when i know, reading in general help. to like expand your vocab so you have more words to rhyme with.

but i really appreciate that, thanks again nonnie <3

[auraboo]

20 questions writer meme

Tagged by @tehri

Oooh I haven’t talked fic in ages, this is gonna be fun. *cracks knuckles* Thanks for tagging me!

How many works do you have on AO3? 54.

What's your total AO3 word count? 556 587, apparently. Um… That’s a lot more than I thought, hang on I gotta lay down for a sec...

What fandoms do you write for? I’m currently not fic-active in any fandoms, but I used to write for Amnesia The Dark Descent (and occasional other Frictional Games stuff), FFXII, The Hobbit, and I’ve also done some Stardew Valley and Baldur’s Gate 3 stuff (during Early Access, mind, haven’t beaten the full game yet).

What are your top five fics by kudos? The Last Snowfall, And All Paths Will Lead Us Home, Ever After To The End Of His Days, Under Surveillance aaaand Count the Daylight Hours. one of these is not like the others lmao

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Always! Well, unless it’s a single emoji or something, I usually can’t think of a way to reply that. I just like talking with readers and I feel like at least saying ’thank you’ is just polite.

What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Oh man this is unfair, this is kind of my fandom niche and it’s hard to pick one. My archive is a gallery of angst, take a pick.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Depends on how you want to rank happiness, but I’d say The Fair Ones. (shockingly, happy endings aren’t only reserved to my OCs)

Do you get hate on fics? Nah.

Do you write smut? If so, what kinds? Oh boy do I ever. Mainly on my original stuff, though, as with most things (shocking). I’m more into romance than erotica, personally, so my stuff tends to be on the softer, more emotional side. They’re in love, your honour. As for what kind, I’m so vanilla it hurts. :’D I tried writing kinkier stuff in the Amnesia fandom but I’ve concluded it’s just not my thing. Learn to know thyself, writer.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Very rarely, I don’t usually enjoy them. The only ones I’m really into are Amnesia/Haunting Ground and Amnesia/Penumbra – I guess the overlap of different horror elements just works for me. Nothing particularly crazy to report in this regard, just the typical "character A is somehow in character B's world, shenanigans ensue" stuff.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? I don’t believe so, but I also haven’t gone looking.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Yeah, someone’s still working on translating Count the Daylight Hours into Russian and I remember someone asking for permission to translate some of my ancient Hobbit fics.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope.

What's your all-time favourite ship? Ships come and go, but I think Kurogane/Fai, Usagi/Seiya and Squall/Rinoa are my most consistent ones that have stood the test of time. (I know, this is completely out of the left field considering I’ve only ever written a thing for one of these ships, but writing and shipping are two separate activities that sometimes overlap)

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Another vampire AU for Amnesia with the working title No Other God. I have so much lore written down and in my head, but unfortunately my interest in fandoms in general evaporated two years ago and it hasn’t shown any signs of coming back to that extent. I'm enjoying my time as a casual fan nowadays, pooping out a random fanart once a year.

What are your writing strengths? I’ve heard many times that I’m good at descriptions and conveying emotions.

What are your writing weaknesses? Dialogue, ugh, especially in any modern setting. I use so much outdated vocab and expressions that I can't use my own speech as a guide since I've gotten regular comments my whole life that I speak weirdly. :'DDD (for context, I was the stereotypical precocious kid who sounded like a grown-up at age seven, okay)

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? If it serves a purpose and you know the language (or have a beta/someone who speaks it available), why not? Either way, people write and publish fic for free, so I don't think it matters - do what you enjoy, that's what fic is for.

First fandom you wrote for? Probably FF7 or Kingdom Hearts? Never published any, mind, this was stuff I scribbled into notebooks way back when.

Favourite fic you've written? Right now I wanna say The Alchemist’s Apprentice, my feverish contribution to the Daniel/Fiona excellency that maybe five people and a footstool ship. I like niche. Niche is good.

Not tagging anyone this time, do it if you want to!

[nickelstudy]

My JLPT N1 Study Method (& Plan)

9/25/2023

As my introduction said, I'm trying to pass N1 by the next JLPT exam which is in this December! In this post, I will share how I study or prepare for N1

Books I Bought

Nihongo Sou Matome Vocabulary N1

TRY! 日本語能力試験Ｎ1

GO! JLPT N1 Grammar(Translated from Shin Kanzen Master i hate the renaming sm)

They are translated into Thai.

If you want to improve your Japanese understanding, people might recommend buying the Japanese version when you are at an intermediate level. But personally, I can completely understand it better when it's explained in my mother tongue, hence the reason why I bought them (plus I'm broke)

I bought them 2 months ago!

I start with TRY! and Sou Matome by reading the vocabs first from Sou Matome, then move on to TRY! doing their exercise as much as my brain can handle, usually not over a chapter.

Here's what my notebook looks like

As you can see, nothing fancy– just a pencil and a sticky note. I write words I don't or barely understand at the top of every page. As for the sticky note, it's for the words from the seventh day of Sou Matome that I can't remember their meanings. You might notice I didn't write their meanings. It's because I want to challenge myself to recall their meanings without relying on written translations.

I also READ the TRY! book in advance, so I'm always ahead of my actual exercise. Why you may ask? It came from when I read the N4 book. I always carried it everywhere because reading it was fun! So I'm trying to keep up this habit (despite taking more effort than before). When I read sample sentences, I try to translate them into Thai by myself before looking at the translations, because I want to practice my interpretation/translation skills too! (It'll definitely be useful in the future).

After finishing TRY! I will start reading GO! JLPT. Hopefully, I can finish this before the exam date.

OH! One thing I forgot to mention, I haven't done the listening exercises in TRY!. The reason is simple, it's a bit of a hassle to use a DVD player so I want to do them altogether when I am done reading GO! JLPT. I use Kanji Study (Play Store only) for studying Kanji. Right now, I'm studying secondary 3's kanjis. Believe it or not, it has been a year since I started learning secondary 3 and never managed to make progress.

Future Plans

There can be a rare case where I finish these books earlier than I expect so here's what I should do (by that, I mean you definitely should because god those books don't cover the skill adequately)

日本語能力試験　対策問題＆必点整理　読解 Ｎ1 This book is incredible imo, because it explains the answers to every question which made me thoroughly understand it when I was studying for N2

Shin Kanzen Master 聴解 Ｎ1

These will be the books I borrow from my university's library. They are in Japanese too that's why I love borrowing from here! I think the CD resource can be found online because that's what I did for N2.

Lastly, if there is still time I'll take a mock exam from the official JLPT handbook.

AAAA Thank you for reading again. I will try to use this blog for archiving my knowledge and stuff like this more. See you in the next post!

[unlimitedbutchworks]

Hi! I'm getting married (soonish, we haven't set a date yet) to a transfemme who is early in their transition. I met them when they were 18 and j a depressed anxious socially awkward nerd and over the past like ~year I've watched them blossom into themself (it's magical). But as a tme person sometimes i feel like I'm not fit to be the main person supporting them during this journey, bc they don't have any irl tgirl/transfem friends.

Do you have any suggestions? I'm always trying to learn more about transmisogyny. I took them to get an affirming haircut by a woman I met on Lex, I help with makeup. I've been trying to help them make friends bc they still do have like, a diagnosed social phobia lol. I think it'd be good if I WASNT the main support for this stuff in many ways. And they are like 10x as confident now that they present more authentically, but it's a process. And idk. I know them rly well and love them a lot but I worry sometimes that I'm somehow hurting them or doing the wrong thing.

I know I can't do everything for them (codependency lol) but I want to be the best partner I can be. I'm always asking what they want but sometimes it's like, j figuring out as we go bc it's all new. So what would YOU want from a tme partner ig? How do you assume I could be helpful, better, etc?

Feel free not to respond if this is too much. I don't mean to be putting too much on you. I'm just trying to treat my fiance better and better each day (failing sometimes).

hello and congrats!!! first off this is so touching and aaaa. my god. anyway.

it sounds like you’re really on the right track for sure :) friends are extremely important especially for ppl in minority groups that make socializing harder, so trying to help to her get out of her shell and get to know other people is certainly a great idea; both because she deserves having something of a social group, and because like you say, trans friends can be really critical. i can’t speak with authority since I don’t know you & your situation, but it could definitely help with supporting her and whatnot; i value my transfem friends irl a lot and they’re wonderful with buoying my transition. im not sure id say you’re ‘not fit’ for it unless you dont want to be, since there’s a lot of ways to support and be there for someone’s transition. my femme is tme and she has been wonderful with my transition and helping me explore different gender stuff by helping me with womens clothes, sometimes a little makeup, and her support when im mixing things up with my presentation. she’s happy to change and play with her vocab too; when i realized i like being called pretty from time to time now she works it into when she’s teasing me or being sweet, things like that.

as far as other things id want to see in a tme partner, the willingness to look at transmisogyny and learn about it and work it over is pretty important to me; but it sounds like you’re already working on this, so just keep your mind open with a clear heart. if you make a mistake, trust that you can learn from it and move on. id also say to let her be the one to define and speak about her transition and her past as well, and not to get tripped up on gender too much; i had an ex who was a lesbian and hated hearing me talk about my past as a boy. was very unfortunate. so keep an open mind and if you don’t understand something or you’d like to understand more, try not to be too afraid to ask; I can’t speak for her exactly, but I can say i really don’t mind getting asked about gender stuff or transmisogyny since it shows that someone cares and also gives me a chance to make sure we’re on the same page. and also, while this may be a little risqué, so long as she’s not ace or something id think about making sure you touch and love on her body holistically. a lot of trans women don’t get touched like how cis and other women do, so don’t be afraid to get a little handsy if she doesn’t mind it. having our bodies be actively wanted (touching sides, thighs, etc) can be really very wonderful when we’re taught that we’re repulsive in every way that matters.

so tl;dr: getting her more friends is a great idea for a milieu of reasons! don’t walk on eggshells with transmisogyny too much, just keep an open mind and maybe think about biases sometimes but don’t let it get to your beat and beat you up over it. but I think your concern sounds like it might be a sign that you care and are gonna try, and if that’s the case then approach any issues that come up from an angle of love and i think it should buff out. anyone wanna chime in in the replies?

[hildegardladyofbones]

i feel sick to my stomach because i NEED to start a magazine, play disco elysium for 8 hours straight, read kafka, the yellow wallpaper, and mihkel raud's autobiography, hang out with my friends, draw my ocs and kill god yet i can do none of those things. instead i am relegated to learning the fucking english vocab for tomorrows test. fucking english. i hate english

[sayitalianolearns]

Diary entry 479

넌 운명나 우연을 믿나? 넌 행복을 믿나? 넌 작은 것으로 갑자기 행복할 수 있는 믿나? 난 가끔 갑자기 일이 생기는 믿고 다 괜찮아, 다 이치에 맞아. 우린 그 순간들을 위해 살아야된 믿어.

Ella llegó por fin! jajaj

What is it with urgency creeping in when we least expect? Urgency to answer, urgency to talk, urgency in being seen, urgency to see a result, urgency to find a solution, urgency to receive (accompanied by doubt if it doesn't happen as soon as we would love it to). It feels like we correlate positive outcomes/situations to urgency/short time and negative ones to having to wait (like a friend not answering immediately to our text and us making it mean they hate us or something happend). But is it really so? Isn't it just that we're trying to meet a need of us? A need to be in control and solve an uncomfortable situation (caused by it being under construction and therefore undefined, "at risk of failing/turning out negatively") asap? I guess we should thank social medias and online commerce for making us believe we need to be reachable 24/7 and deserve to receive everything we want in the shortest amount of time. Great job in playing on these needs of us to sell better your products. In Italy we have a saying (one of the many, lol) that roughly translates as "Urgency is a bad/evil advisor". Finding a middle ground between urgency and taking too much time is what I am aiming to do as much as I can. And with this I try to remind myself that others' anxiety about me and my position (despite I tend to communicate my needs clearly to everyone) do not depend on me. Other than that, I can only be patient with myself and everyone else. And breath/count to 10 at least before doing something when I am stressed out LOL All in all, I think I just need to trust again myself and life, for the best is yet to come and it will come at the right time<3

Couldn't choose one (tbh I was waiting for DNA to show up bc of the vocabs I used today lol):

(Extra note: Super is probably Seventeen's first song I ever heard, together with Hot and God of Music. But I tried to translate and learn Super's lyrics only as for now).

[mylove-thresher]

omg yeah I completely forgot it was called multishipper 😭. I just don’t use that vocab a lot honestly I barely read fanfiction and other stuff that use that kinda vocab somehow 😔. But yeah u completely get my point lolz :3 (can we make fictional characters real please 💔💔💔💔💔)

Go watch Ghibli movies rn… Ghibli movies all day long… Ghibli movies for breakfast, lunch and dinner… Ghibli is love, Ghibli is life, Ghibli is God…/hj (THEYRE ALL SO SO SO GOOD. I’m aim to watch them all this year but I don’t think all of them are on Netflix…)

CLAMP was fr carrying Gay People™️ on their back. Unfortunately, the JotaKak egg comic was made by them and I cannot get that out of my head but… CCS actually had a surprisingly decent amount of representation in terms of queer relationships??? I mean in comparison to other animangas. Obv they’re not perfect but hey. Yuri and Yaoi ❤️. I actually only read the first volume of Clow Card so I know nothing about the manga but I could tell Tomoko lowkey liked Sakura. It didn’t strike me at first bc I was younger, but then I rewatched when I was like 11 and I was like… Sakura is crying on Tomoko’s lap… Tomoko saying lowkey gay shit and getting her all the clothes for her battles… idk man… seems pretty gay to me… and yeah the teacher x student was REALLY weird. I also didn’t think much of it as first (again, I was young) but then I started thinking and… erm!…. that’s not!…

my brain is 99.99% jjba part 5 brainrot 😞. But see jonaeri is rlly cute! From my experience, a lot of ppl who hate on jonaeri are jonadio fans which… i kinda see the appeal of their personalities clashing together? BUT THEYRE ADOPTED BROTHERS (and hate each other (more on Dio’s end))… so idk jonadio makes me a bit uncomfortable. Idc much ab jonawagon, i just think Speedwagon thought he was rlly kewl (gayly) but Jonathan will always be w erina to me

oh and I barely every show that I ship bruabba I mean I never draw fan art and stuff so I understand 😭 I also don’t pay much attention to them even tho they are a really good pair. It’s just that narancia and fugo and mista and and and uhh torture dance trio (platonically) occupies my brain way too much and. I can’t think of anything else 💔

I do kinda get those vibes from fugonara too if I look at it from the canon side of things lolz. It’s kinda like a natural attraction? Like magnets. But their attraction could be anything, really. They’re just shackled to each other by the fate the universe chose for them, and it doesn’t even have to be romantic. They just stumbled upon each other and stuck together.

(and I will kill you for making me remember the horrors. I swear to god. I will catch you eventually. Start running.)

and yes! I totally love that too :3! A lot of people think ship is strictly romantic oftentimes, but it’s rlly just ab relationships, and relationships can be literally any tie and connection between one and multiple characters. I like analyzing characters and how they interact w others a lot, and how this influences the image of their relationship. And that’s why I go on jojo wiki for the relationships section 💯💯🤸🤸🤸🤸🤸💥💥💥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥‼️‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️ also the spin the wheel thing actually sounds rlly fun i might try that sometime so that the worm council inside my head can discuss ab it

I would cosplay the torture dance trio but I CANNOT dance to save my life. 💔💔💔💔💔💔 I literally just learned how to fortnite floss correctly for the first time ever A FEW WEEKS AGO. 💔💔💔💔💔 (I’ve tried learning the torture dance before and I kinda get it but. That was years ago. And I don’t think the tut was that good.)

queer relationship erasure will always be funny to me bc now they’re being homoerotic W a family member 😭 like bro wt least just let them be friends or. Even better. Let them be gay?.???.

And yes. Live laugh yapping. Yappers will yap.

You should totally ramble to me about ships you like :3 However many you like I’m just curious uwu

(I didn’t answer this as soon as I got it bc I was thinking about what to say lolz 😭)

tbh I like most ships as long as it’s not problematic or I find them weird/that they don’t have much chemistry. I also don’t mind poly or platonic ships (duh). I’d be sitting here all day yapping ab the ships I like/am okay w bc frankly it doesn’t have to strictly be character A X character B, I think it could also be character A X character C, etc. as long as it’s not any wrong. I won’t be going apeshit(/neg) over ships that I don’t like as much or have like a 2 year age gap. I mean, I think it starts to get weird when there’s 4 years of difference. I think people do too much when they hate on less popular ships smh if it’s nothing weird then let ppl have fun w their little kitty witties smh 😞

Huge yapping starts here vvv

Some ships I like tho r a lot of Ghibli movie couples in general bc they’re just super cute and I love the writing Ghibli does for its characters (I want what they have.). I also like Yukito/Yue X Touya and Syaoran X Sakura from CCS but that doesn’t mean I don’t also like Tomoko X Sakura (pretty sure Tomoko implied to like her anyway). I also like some other side ships from CCS but I barely remember their names bc it’s been so long since I’ve watched it and Netflix took it down 💔. CCS ships r cute in general I think, I’ve never seen any problematic ship (except that one girl X her fucking teacher. Pookie. You’re like 13. Don’t date ur teacher. And she was so pretty too bro why did they make her a questionable character 😭). And now. Getting to jjba my beloved. Since I unfortunately focus so so so much on p5 those are the only ships I’ll yap ab 😢. Huge honorable mention to Jonathan X Erina (jonaeri) tho they’re super cute together even if a lot of ppl said they barely have screen time and stuff :3. Anyway. Part 5. I honestly don’t care much about ships in la squadra as long as they had some form of interaction y’know (I don’t pay too much attention to La squadra anyway 💔). Usually ppl get really divided when it comes to Bucci gang ships tho. Honestly I’d rather see them all as a friend group that see each other as siblings to avoid all that shipping, but I admit I really like some pairings, like fugonara, bruabba, giotrish, futrish, naratrish, etc. I really don’t mind it that much (I don’t rlly ship mista w anyone bc I just don’t think there’s anybody matching his freak 😭). I mainly ship fugonara as you can see just bc to me it makes a lot of sense even if I also see them under platonic light. If there’s fugo, there’s narancia, and if there’s narancia, there’s fugo. I just find that rlly cute :3. I also like their backstories and how they tie together and the narancia death scene ripped my heart out in the anime so (IM CRYING AGAIN JUST FROM THINKING AB IT STOP 💔). Again that doesn’t mean I dislike the other ships, I just don’t pay much attention to them or think they had as much chemistry or time together. I love seeing my fave characters tho, so it’s not like I won’t like the content if there’s like gionara or something. Honestly I like seeing ppl have fun w their cutie patooties as long as it’s not too controversial, once again. It’s rlly a shame that ppl can jump at each others throat bc they disagree on a mere ship. It’s literally not gonna alter your life. Also, bc I say a ship some bucci gang characters doesn’t mean I don’t also ship them platonically. (I’ll type it like it’s ao3 tags lolz. Pretty sure & instead of / is for platonic, right?) I rlly like Narancia&Mista&Fugo (torture dance trio is literally the best friendship ever to me bc wdym you did a coordinated dance w ur homies to torture someone that’s so cool). There are also a few others, but they don’t come to mind rn (and there’s a f,y in my room annoying me.) You know what I think I gave jjba way too much attention. I also like Mimi X Sheshe (my fav lesbians fr 😍) from mermaid melody pichi pichi pitch. They tried censoring them by making them “sisters”, but they were blatantly and very obviously lesbians. Like vro. They are touching each other so homoerotically and have complimenting colours. And I think that’s most of it…

I don’t wanna make this any longer than it is so um. Yeah. This was a ramble. I didn’t realize it was so long lolz. But yeah it’s basically that :3

[monstercollection]

I’ve been slacking with my Literary Tarot Challenge posts so I’m going to do a quick drop with summaries of the ones I most recently finished, and hopefully get around to longer reviews of them later.

The Pillow Book by Sei Shōnagon (Nine of Parchment)- diary of an 11th century gentlewoman in the Imperial court of Japan. Sei is just… the most. She’s so much. She’s petty, she’s decadent, she’s conceited. She’s 100% That Bitch. I love and hate her in equal measure.

This was an absolutely fascinating window into the Heian Era but I had to WORK for it. Reading a book written 1,000 years ago is hard enough, but as someone from the US with only a second-hand familiarity with Japanese culture, Buddhism and Shinto, there were a so many new concepts I had to learn. Lots of good appendices in the edition I read that helped with unfamiliar vocab and cultural references (and I’ll edit to include which one I read when I get home). By far the hardest book I’ve read for the challenge and the first one I thought I might not finish.

“The Outsider” by H. P. Lovecraft (The Tower)- Short story about a sad, lonely haunted monster man, so basically my bullshit. My familiarity with Lovecraft and his mythos extends to having read Call of Cthulhu in college and playing a few board games based on his stories. I think I’d have gotten a little more out this one if I’d known more about his interconnected lore but I don’t necessarily feel the urge to delve further into Lovecraft’s work. It definitely stands on it’s own as a solo story.

“Bartleby, the Scrivener: A Story of Wall-street” by Herman Melville (Four of Light)- this is probably one of those stories assigned to me in high school or college that I either read just enough to fake my way through or read but remember nothing about.

It’s a short story about a lawyer who seems to collect weird, quirky, flawed little men for employees. He is extremely compassionate and I can’t tell if the lengths he goes to for them is supposed to make him the butt of a joke or if we’re supposed to see them through his eyes and empathize with them the way he does. I feel like it’s the latter. It’s stance seems to be that no one should suffer for being weird, lonely or mentally ill.

I’m sure my high school teacher bent it into some kind of puritan morality tale about how there is no point in helping those who won’t help themselves, but it doesn’t hit that way.

Emily of New Moon by L. M. Montgomery (The Star) - I don’t understand why Emily has not gotten the same attention and love as Anne of Green Gables. This is a beautiful story deeply into the category of Magical Realism, Emily’s world is as full of fairies and nature spirits and prophetic visions as it is the injustices of early 20th century childhood.

It pushes so many boundaries. I can see why it would not have been popular in it’s own time— there is a healthy level of blasphemy from Emily and her father who believe that their loving God exists as a separate being from the puritanical God everyone else preaches about.

It also radically asserts the idea that children are whole beings deserving of the same rights as adults. Almost every child in the book is living with some kind of abuse or neglect— and it’s not treated as “period-appropriate parenting techniques” but as the actual injustice it is.

I’m going to do a longer post on Emily soon because I have SO MANY FEELINGS about it. It might just be my favorite thing I’ve read for the challenge so far.

“The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” by T. S. Eliot (The Hanged Man)- How are we all sitting around for tea when the slow march of time leads us ever closer to death? The helplessness in the face of existential inevitability made this one feel just right for the Hanged Man

“The Cold Equations” by Tom Godwin (Temperance)- Hard sci-fi short story about a pilot who has to make the choice between jettisoning a stowaway into space or running out of fuel before he can deliver medical supplies to a colony. This was emotional as hell but a really good story.

[x-chubby-reader]

Oh MY GOD what about Bakugou, kirishima, and sero who get hit by a quirk who turns them into a lil toddler or whatever and they’ve got the biggest crush on their chubby/plus size classmate 🥺🥺

A/N - I literally love this idea so much, thanks to @fandom-fander for helping out with this headcannon.

Not Prof Read

Lowercase Intentional

Cursing

Toddler!Bakugo, Kirishima, and Sero x Plus size reader

Bakugo

aizawa sure as hell didn't feel like dealing with the angry pomeranian in minature form

he decided to leave the boy with the class and let them decide among themselves on who should watch the little firecracker for the day

extra credit anyone?

everyone immediately pinned the responsibility on you

kirishima, he didn't feel like getting screeched at by a small bakugo and needed to apparently go study

he also knew that bakugo had a fondness for you in his teenage form, so why not see if he still has it

fr little bakugo pretends to hate your guts

somehow this little toddler has the most hurtful insults

“you can't even get a boyfriend? that's pretty sad.”

suddenly choking out a child is okay

do it… no one has to know how it happened

even though he had pretended to hate you, he still kept trying to show off to you 

you decided to take him out on a little bike/tricycle ride? homeboy flipped it trying to show off how fast he could go and then proceeded to complain about scraping his knee

hey at least he got your attention

he is a literal leash kid fight me oh my god

bakugo will simply run away

you expected him to listen? oh you're in for a surprise

the only option that you give him is to either wear the embarrassing monkey pack or to hold your hand

he immediately grabs your hand and is literally so giddy and its adorable my lord-

smiles for days my heart i can’t-

he may seem all happy and nice, but that can flip in a minute

he’s the biggest brat sometimes and you are literally this close to punting him across the room

you don't get him something that he wants? little pomeranian boy will turn into a velociraptor child in an instant

the decimals that that kids voice can reach up to is kind of impressive not going to lie

“no bakugo, you can't have that right now maybe later-”

screech

thankfully he tires himself out quick enough to set him down for a nap

but nothing is ever simple, is it?

he wont go to sleep without you though, claiming that there are monsters and he needs to know where you are so he can protect you

no matter how many times you had explained to him that there weren't any monsters around, you slowly succumbed to his pleas

almost feeling bad for him, he just looked so serious about how you could get hurt that it made you feel bad

you didn't notice how much taking care of a kid took out of you until now

you had made a mental note to apologize to your mom for having to deal with you when you were younger later

As soon as you settled down on the couch with the toddler laying on top of you, you almost instantaneously passed out

oh boy were you in for a surprise when you woke up to a teen bakugo, still curled into your torso

he looked up to you after feeling you stir, he almost had a smirk on his face before burying his head back  into you 

mostly to hide the redness spreading over his face, he wasn’t going to admit that he was blushing

no way in hell

he just mumbled a “later” before his breaths softened into a steady pace

yeah, you may be stuck here for a bit

Kirishima 

you were there for the whole thing

red-top had pushed you out of the way of an incoming quirk blast and suffered the consequences

he became young again, almost too young

you felt bad

and who wouldn’t

so of course you took it upon yourself to watch him until the effects wore off

the thing you learned about him was that he was an even touchy-er child

homeboy just wanted to be held all the time

just climbing up and latching himself onto your calf

it was adorable but hard to walk with

If you pick him up, you’ve basically sworn an oath with the devil himself

you cannot put him down 

ever 

he gives the most pitiful looks when you do and drags his feet when you walk

he also wont leave you alone

so curious in whatever your doing at that exact moment

and he is impressed by everything you do

“what are you doing?”

“reading”

“wow so cool!”

a bug came in through the window and he screamed

you walked in all nonchalant, grabbed your shoe, and smacked that some of a bitch into a next dimension

he lit up omfg

“wow y/n, that was so manly!”

you brought him in to class since it had been a school day and were too afraid to tell aizawa about the incident

the girls were literally all over him

i mean, who wouldn’t be all over an adorable and friendly (looking at you bakugo) kid?

and the pebble boy was lapping up the attention like a thirsty dog on a hot day

you never expected him to act like this

shy maybe, but then again he was pretty outgoing in his teenage form

he was grinning from ear to ear

literally posing like a mini body builder and making little huffing noises

even you couldn’t help it, letting a little aww out like most of the other girls

this had been causing a slight disturbance to the class

so the whole going to school thing was pointless as aizawa sent the two of you home anyways

he is already a tired dad, he dosen’t need to be dealing with a toddler right now

putting the little strongman on your back you began to walk

you had been hoping that the effects would wear off in a few more hours 

but nothing ever goes to plan dose it?

while you had been walking, you noticed a significant weight increase, but just decided to ignore it

hey you were more sturdy and thicc, you wern’t no pussy, why stop all of a sudden because of the extra weight?

the only single thing that had alerted you to kiri being fully back was the whisper in your ear

instead of a sqeaky and mousy voice, you heart a more smooth and even comment

“hey stranger”

girl you dropped him and ran, him having to catch up to you

he has the audacity to give you a heart attack, he better suck it up

Sero

this was the same situation as bakugo, aizawa just didn’t want to deal with the kid

and especially a kid who kept mixing up two languages

he really was just so one

aizawa gave him the option to go to anyone

of course he ran straight to you, clinging onto your calf, as that was as high as he could reach

hey you looked the most inviting and least scary

he was literally terrified of bakugo and almost started to bawl is eyes out when he went near him

though he calm down slightly when he went down to get to a similar height as him. 

why wouldn’t you take the opportunity to watch a cute little kid and skip class

hey, aizawa said whoever watched him got extra credit

but there soon was a slight problem that you noticed

well not really a problem, but more of a hurdle

with sero being raised in a household that spoke both english and spanish, he started to mix the two, not knowing any better

he would be asking for “leche” and you would just stand there trying to understand with your limited vocab

just the loading circle above your head whenever he started to talk

but you managed with google translate and going off of the vast amount of spanish soap operas you watched at 3 am once a week

surprisingly, he was a very artistic kid

at least every ten minutes he would walk over to you and hand you a squiggly picture of a flower, you, or him and you holding hands

and he would just giggle before running away to make another

bro heart go melt 

being pre occupied with some papers that the father teacher had sent home with you, sero couldn’t get your attention

he might of forgotten your name and got stuck in a predicament

then the most rational thing popped into his head

well his dad called his mom “mi amor” and you and his mom were both pretty ladies

it made total sense to him so he went with it

“hey...”

nothing

“hey...”

nothing again

“hey... mi amor~”

your head shot up immediately

since he noticed that the name had gotten your attention, he just started using it

when he had shifted to being a teen again, the two of you never mentioned the name again

until a few days later when he was back to normal in class

homeboy was trying to get your attention and the multiple taps on the shoulder weren't cutting it

he got an idea

“hey... mi amor~”

yep that got you immediately

and he still uses that nickname for you

[culmaer]

nah, grappling with grammar is part of the fun ! memorising vocab is a pain so I'd consider downloading word lists into my brain, but I'd never give up having to study languages

[togidemi]

hello i am going to use my tungle dot com for its intended purpose of microblogging in order to microblog. because if i don't keep my thoughts on my various language-inventing endeavors organized in a semi-public area, i'm gonna lose some crucial stuff in my discord inboxes, on god.

we are in my blog now. hi! i like languages. when the neurons diverge in just the right way i try to actually study linguistics - do not perceive my pending courseras and virtual linguistics campus certification - but more often than not they just... lead me to spit ideas and spiral into youtube and google scholar on random whims until i find something else to occupy me. this means that i've been lurking in various conlang circles since high school, but haven't ever actually completed one. (arguably i haven't ever actually started one lmao)

this changes soon! maybe

mostly because i have too many cool thoughts on too many cool projects and it would be a crime to not take an earnest step towards at least one of them... listed below!! for my sake and yours i'll try to organize them in ascending order of how much effort it'd take to complete the conlang(s), and provide 1) a "brief" premise for the world they'll be punted in, 2) a vague vibe for the language(s), and 3) rough deliverables. tanginang deliverables truly ni vivas en socio

Esperplantasy Regional Languages: Fucking with Established Conlangs

premise: i hate naming things so this is the shorthand i came up with for my ESPERanto PLANTpeople fantASY setting, borne from thinking a lil too hard about what actual ethnic esperanto groups would be like and coming up with... post-post-apocalyptic plant-augmented humans. who are also facing a shitty government and so the main narrative is about plucky rebels communicating via codes and ciphers. it'd be a comic (mostly) in esperanto, because i think a story about obscuring communication told through a language created to facilitate communication is hilarious. and also my little language tweaking playground because-

vibe: what if you push little esperanto quirks as a cultural thing? what if two distinct groups order their sentences and particles differently, when they're just hovering over the edge of mutual intelligibility to be different dialects?? (contrast, for example, one who prefers SVO sentence order and puts the particle last - "Lesbano ĉi, kiel lesbano ajn, ŝatas muzikon de Mitski" - to someone who does particle-first SOV, "Ĉi lesbano, kiel ajn lesbano, muzikon de Mitski ŝatas". tttechnically the point of the -n accusative marker is so free sentence order in esperanto is valid, afaik, so tinkering with that would be interesting) what if la esperantidoj were results of actual language evolution... what if other languages were in here too...?

what i need to work on:

two variants of classic esperanto that are split into being ever so slightly influenced by eastern european and east asian language thingz, yet still intelligible to the average verdulo. run those variants through the esperant' beam since Da Youths™ in the setting tend to converse in that esperantido, which i like for its more casual sound.

creating an esperanto-toki pona creole OR mixed language (i call it esperantoki at the moment) for the diasporic fantasy!SEAsian main character to speak. partly because i adore how taglish sounds to the uninitiated and want to evoke that feeling. this will very likely also involve incorporating solresol, either as a secret means of communication, a musical language in esperantokiland culture, or just straight up into the vocab.

learning ido because the land's capital speaks it, and are pushing for it to be the main language of the setting. also, learning volapük, for the order of nomadic clown nuns who speak it as a sacred language. dw about it.

Virbanwanun: Fucking with the Languages of an Established Setting

premise: i fucking adore gubat banwa, and i'm morally obligated to plug it every chance i get. it's a classical southeast asia-inspired high fantasy tactical combat ttrpg, and a lot of its conflict is centered around violence between the five major mandalas in the sword isles. as a born and bred manilenyo with severe catholic baggage, i am (reluctantly???) fond of the lakanate of virbanwa, the mandala inspired by imperialist metro manila with severe catholic baggage. lmao. the setting has a canonical writing script (kasuratan!) and a trading language called trade mataram - and believe me i have spent time vibrating about both - but emphasizes that there is plenty of language diversity in the isles. i'm curious what conlang families in the mandalas could feasibly look and sound like, and i'm starting with the one that's the most my lane.

vibe: virbanwanun and ba-enun are both based on tagalog. i want to work specifically with manila tagalog - what is officially called Filipino down here but trust me the more people outside the metro you talk to the more you realize it is well and truly just manila tagalog - and then, because they'd successfully driven out the issohappans (not!spanish vampire alien motherfuckers), skew just a little more spanish. now, we already have a spanish creole over here - chavacano! - and believe me when i say i've been replaying the chavacano version of maldita's porque since i realized i wanted to mostly just tweak the ratio of tagalog to cavitenyo chavacano for virbanwanun. something maybe 60-70% intelligible to the average manilenyo, while also having more (and simultaneously less) of a spanish influence, with some hokkien and mandarin thrown in. why not

what i need to work on:

ananaran virbanwanun. ananara is the bustling capital of virbanwa and i want it to be the most similar to manila tagalog, just pulling heavily from castillan spanish and hokkien

"improper" virbanwanun - the variant typically spoken outside of ananara. i really like the simple tense marking particles for verbs in chavacano - compared to the broke-ass aspect marking system for verbs in tagalog (super interesting to linguists! however a pain in the ass for me, a lifelong inglesero!! pay no attention to me i am simply a hater) - and am intrigued by the language name ("chavacano" was named as such because it was considered "vulgar/improper" spanish), so i thought it'd be funny if the imperialist mandala also squabbles with itself in the name of imposing one (1) Correct language to use. might throw some basque in so i can finally get conlanger cred in by using an isolate language.

virbanwanun beki. OKAY LOOK. i am tired of religious baggage consisting of internalized homophobia and transphobia............. except when it's funny. and i think it's fucking hilarious for virbanwa to be the one mandala with a dedicated queer language - much like swardspeak/bekimon here in the philippines, and polari in the uk - because it's the one mandala that actually has a problem with queer repression. i want to toy with playful onomatopoeia, feminine pronoun use (polari is notable for referring to damn near everything, even first person statements, with "she"), and the thing beki does where words are derived from puns on celebrity names and pop culture shit. since i do not want to invent virbanwan pop culture, however, i can instead go a more blasphemous direction by pulling vocabulary from-

liturgical virbanwanun. the makata, old-timey virbanwanun in which the usangaklat - the ashen star sacred text - is written, as well as the language in which masses are celebrated. want to make heavy use of sanskrit (virbanwa does fantasy polytheistic buddhist-catholicism, i just laser-eye on the catholicism because that's My Hole, The Hole That Was Made For Me) with a lil bit of mandarin

virbanwanun alphabet. i like the idea of virbanwa taking the issohappan alphabet before booting them out lmao. virbanwanon names in the book are hispanic names A Little To The Left, and in honor of my bebeboi oc niqulas, i'd like to think it does the.. cyrillic thing where its letters kind of look like latin letters but a different pronunciation. (hence why the Q-lookin character is used for k sounds.) plus with kasuratan being an abugida - and my plans to make ba-enun's primary writing script a logosyllabary - i'd like a bit of alphabet rep in the isles' scripts.

btw i do want to disclaim that despite my proximity to (and presence in???) the gb creative team, myyy conlang pursuits for its setting are fan projects and not canon at all, so. yee

Zodiac: Fucking with a Conlang from Scratch

premise: alright bear with me. what began as a rough story idea of an elite warrior force patterned after the celtic zodiac parenting a mysterious child warrior started innocently gaining little worldbuilding details until the scope creep ate me alive and i begrudgingly swallowed the fact that i am probably going to construct an entire language on top of my own conworld

vibe: although the celtic zodiac is not in fact real and thus i'm free to frolick in my own bullshit without fear of offending real people, looking at celtic shit did help anchor a creative direction for some worldbuilding choices. i'm trying to hammer the rest of the foundational worldbuilding out (apart from specific cultural tidbits the only big note in my brain is "IT'S NOT TROPICAL"), but i've decided the language will be heavily inspired by scottish gaelic and tamil - partly because they're both quite old languages and partly because phonology is the part of language construction that i dislike the most so i decided to take my first serious from-scratch conlang easily by taking from some of the languages whose sounds i like the most. (i like the sound of indic languages in general, but narrowing it down to the dravidian family and then further onto tamil makes my life easier.)

what i need to work on:

getting a basic grasp of starter vocabulary and the general grammars of gaelic and tamil. which means.... a looot of language instruction, given that unlike all of the abovementioned languages i don't have even a passing idea of what these languages are like apart from how they sound

building a protolanguage from the ground up, then maybe making variants as i build regions in the land. for story reasons, the land the story is set in is militant and smack dab between constantly warring places, so i will very likely also make at least partial languages for their neighboring territories.

from there i will derive a script, a sign language, and some kind of tactile language for the visually impaired. again for story reasons, this land is very accessible for disabled people, so i'll have to consider that not just in their language but in building design and such

Fleshmage Medical Terminology: Fucking with a Naming Conlang from Scratch (for Game Design Purposes)

premise: one of the ttrpg ideas on the development docket - which won't see sunlight for at least a year, believe me - involves, essentially, overenthusiastic doctors who can explode bodies with saint magic. part of the gameplay involves building your abilities, which u name the same way medical terminology is built; doesn't take a medical student to understand that if you see, say, myocardiectomy, it means my- (muscle) + -cardi- (heart) + -ectomy (removal). don't have ur heart muscles removed btw

vibe: so your character's abilities are named and categorized like medical terminology, but have you ever noticed how much latin and greek is in scientific and medical terminology? what if medical terminology was based on austronesian (...or malayo-polynesian, or philippine-type, idk i still have to decide the scope) language quirks instead? featuring things like reduplication (repeating syllables to alter meaning; e.g. in tagalog "araw [day]" -> "araw-araw [every day]") and verb-focused procedure names, as well as just a different general sound for medical terminology, is something i'm really excited to work on!

what i need to work on:

game design first and foremost lmao 😔😔😔 the hardest endeavor out of all of these, tangina

carefully constructing the vocabulary and naming conventions so they seem familiar to SEA folks but also easy to grasp and identify! wouldn't want players to memorize pages of jargon just to remember what the heck their characters do, y'know?

this also involves like... like maybe some physiology knowledge hbhbghbf like i dO NOT INTEND FOR PRE-MED LEVELS BUT. LIKE. MAYBE NEAT LIL MEDICAL REFERENCES WOULD BE REALLY FUN TO SNEAK INTO IT

ANYWAY yes these are all projects i want to work on with about an equal amount of interest and eagerness, which means i will likely work on them all simultaneously and make piddling process on them all as well. expect fruit by early next year if i feel like keeping up on a development diary of some sort, or not at all if i decide to pfft not talk about it.

[phansterdam]

my danish vocab learning app just released their pride vocab which includes many words like 'oh my god', 'lip sync', 'vogueing', 'yass queen' 'spill the tea' etc. just say the only things you know about the community are what you learned from drag race. i hate it here and ur still not getting my fucking money

[snowbabys]

gc ⋆ final considerations

warnings: a lot of rambling in here and a little game? in the end.

hello everyone! first of all, thank you for reading my series! i wasn't expecting anything with it, like, at all, so i'm really happy people actually read it. thank you if you have been with us since the beginning, if you caught us in the middle, or if you're just discovering this series now! i started this all for fun, and if y'all had fun while reading, that's more than enough for me! and if you handled my late ass daily, wow, you're a warrior, i admire you a lot.

this whole series/universe means a lot to me (even tho i did it for fun hehe), it improved my grammar and vocab a lot, made me learn so many things about writing and constructing a story, i've learned things i never thought existed while searching for exact translations of what i was trying to say, and more.

am i completely satisfied with it? no. is there anything i wish i did differently? many, of course. should i be more responsible and work with my time management? oh yeah, that... :') moving on.

many parts i felt like i've rushed, or parts that feel/seem incomplete to me, things i should've added but didn't, things i shouldn't have added but did, but my skills couldn't make any better (not to mention i literally spoiled part 5 in some tags before part 4 was even released why-). the summary mainly is a joke cause i wrote it before changing the plot, oh god, is it too late to rewrite that? (btw, the plot has been changed about 3 times, that explains a lot huh. the first draft had nothing to do with the actual story).

i also learned that tumblr does hate me cause i can't fu**ing schedule sh*t properly in here and tag ppl and and UGH it took me almost a month to solve the scheduling issue.

BUT! it's all a great learning experience. i'm surely using everything i've acquired with gc on my next works and if you're curious about the next series, all i can say for now is that it's coming in late april/early may and, shameless self-promo time, here is a snippet! also no more scheduling or giving the exact time of posting cause omfg you know already.

and woah. now i can finally sleep normally again. and post the requests omg i'm so late.

special thanks: every single person in the taglist, y'all have my heart if you want! ♡ people on the comments too, i love you 3000. anonnies who came for the series hehe. and google translate my guy you carried me in part 7 and 9 <3

uhm okay thank you if you read all that KHDAKHFHFD i'm gonna list a few things right here, feel free to do it too if you want, i'd love to see what you think:

favorite chapter: i do love part 3 a lot, but part 5 strikes deep man. and part 7 is so kashakdh too. uhmm, i'll go with part 5.

favorite scene: during part 5, when niki is trying to convince himself he's not jelly (the whole beginning is so good to me).

favorite character: soobin. nono i'm joking, i rlly want to say niki, but... jay :')

last but not least, chapter that killed me the most: part 7 cause omfg how hard that chapter was, to write and point out where the story was going, and it's so big too.

[realcube]

maybe love  || tobio kageyama x reader

summary: you’re sick and kageyama skips volleyball practise to take care of you but it makes him realise that..perhaps he loves you more than volleyball?

you don’t need to read part one for this to make sense but here’s a link anyway: nurse’s office || kageyama x reader

tw// sick! reader, fem reader

“God fucking dammit, (L/N).” Kageyama cursed under his breath, occasionally glancing down at the messaged displayed on his phone screen as he impulsively jogged passed the gates of the school once the bell rang to head to your house. He was well aware that he’d be skipping volleyball club - when there was a practise game against Nekoma right around the corner - but upon reading your text, his first thought was that he desperately needed to see you. 

To be honest, he didn’t really care that he was missing volleyball practise, which was weird considering that - before he met you - he couldn’t think of a single person that he’d miss volleyball club for. Maybe like..his mum? 

His light job that eventually picked up the pace into more of a sprint really put things into perspective for him; he was seriously whipped for you. But it was kinda refreshing though, since up until the day he first interacted with you, all he could think about was volleyball. But after y’all started going out, a part of you constantly lingered in his mind along with his interest in game shows which you also introduced him to.

As the cold winter air gracefully laced through his thick, ravenette locks, his mind ended up wandering back to the day he first met you - what he considered to be one of his fondest memories, not that he’d ever say that aloud though. 

‧̍̊˙· 𓆝.° ｡˚𓆛˚｡ °.𓆞 ·˙‧̍̊

Kageyama groaned in annoyance at the sight of the milk carton which he paid for getting trapped between the shelf of the machine and the glass. On any other day, he would just leave it or maybe buy a second carton to push the first one out but today, he was absolutely parched with no money or water on his person.

He glanced at the clock which hung above the vending machine - 5:20PM - before scanning the pathways on either side of him and as he assumed, the school was absolutely deserted. So, he figured he was in the clear to start shaking the whole machine in hopes the beverage would fall out. 

Then, a faint humming came into ear-shot which he chose to tune out until it started to get a bit too close for comfort and before he knew it, the source of the noise rounded the corner and began making it’s way towards him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed who it was and his heart skipped a beat; of course his crush was still in school and just so happened to walk right outside as soon as Kageyama wrapped his arms around the machine and was violently shaking it - he believed whole-heartedly that god hated him.

As soon as his eyes landed on the figure at the end of the hallways, he froze as his eyes also widened - not really sure what exactly to do in this situation but now that he had stopped shaking the machine it appeared as though he was hugging it, yet he was still too awkward to move.

You both stared at each other for a while in dead silence, waiting for the other one to do something but it never happened so you figured that you’d have to break the ice. So you strolled up to him with a friendly smile, “These damn machines.” You grumbled, running a hand through your freshly trimmed hair, “I’m guessing your drink got stuck?”

Kageyama blinked rapidly, pleasantly surprised that you didn’t mention anything about his seemingly intimate interaction with the vending machine so he took the chance to hastily back away from it. “Uh, yeah.” He replied lowly, rubbing the back of his neck.

In all honesty, Kageyama was ready to drop an excuse to leave and sprint home despite the fact his body was begging for fluid; he’d do anything to get away from his crush and the awkward atmosphere surrounding both of them.

However, the tension was lifted slightly as he heard a loud thud which jolted him out of his brainstorming of excuses. He perked up, his eyes instantly landing on the source of the noise - you aggressively kicking the side of the machine. Followed by the thumping of the milk carton as it dropped from it’s unfortunate position wedged behind the glass, to the compartment behind the flap where it belonged.

Upon noticing the relieved smile forming on his features and the seemingly genuine ‘thank you’ fall from his lips, you couldn’t help but beam too - proceeding to kneel down to grab his drink from the compartment before standing up a few steps in front of him, “You’re on the volleyball team, right? Uh, your name is on the tip of my tongue.” You spoke in attempt to make conversation with the boy, tapping your chin with your index finger as you thought. “Ummm- oh! Tsukishima?”

Kageyama’s heart dropped along with his short-lived smile, “Uh, no!” He barked defensively, furrowing his brows, “I sit next to you in English! I’m, uh, Tobio Kageyama.” He stammered on the last part slightly as his temporary burst of rage quickly died down as your harmonious laugh rung through his ears and you playfully slapped his shoulder, making him blush a lot more than he should. 

“I know, I know; I was just messing with you, Kageyama. I had no idea you’d get so pressed.” You panted through chortles, wiping away an imaginary tear from your eye. Something about the way his adorable lil’ blueberry face tired to form a scowl was just so funny to you. “Your hilarious, man.”

Being called ‘man’ by a female was not something that has happened to him before, so of course it confused him as to why he found it so endearing. “Pressed? Is that a new English vocab word?”  He asked without a second thought, as most words he didn’t understand were stuff that he was supposed to learn in class but it actually just went over his head.

That question turned your laughs into cackles as you hunched over, grasping your stomach for dear life, real tears of joy spilling from your eyes. At this point, Kageyama was beginning to fear that he might’ve broken you, so he asked concernedly, “Uh, (L/N), are you okay? Do you want me to call someone?” 

It brought him great relief when you finally forced yourself to stand up straight to regain composure and your cackles faded away into heavy breathing, “I’m fine, babe. Don’t bother- I know that you probably don’t know the number for 911 anyway.” You joked, instinctively pulling out your pocket mirror to check if you messed up your lashes - and luckily, you didn’t. 

Ignoring the fact that you were right about him not knowing how to contact 911, he chose to focus on how you called him ’babe’. Does that mean you like him? Or is that just friendly talk? Hinata has never called him ‘babe’ before.. so maybe it is a flirting thing? But if that was the case, why did you call him ‘man’ too? Maybe you just had weird choices of friendly nicknames? The only conclusion that Kageyama could come to while his brain was running on over-drive was that you seriously have him fucked up.

“Ah,�� you hissed, catching a glimpse of the time on the clock behind you as you gazed into your mirror, “I should probably get going.” You shoved the mirror back into your jacket pocket, then pulled out a pen to scrawl something along the top of his milk carton which you had kept in your spare hand for this reason.

Once you finished, you handed him the carton while simultaneously putting your pen away and as soon as the held the drink firmly in his hands, you sped off down the hall; not only so you weren’t late but also because you were too shy to look Kageyama in the eyes as he read what you wrote on his milk. Perhaps it was a rather dorky way of making a move but the opportunity was there so you took it. “See you later!” 

“Bye!” Kageyama called out, his eyes not averting from your figure until you rushed around a corner and disappeared from his sight. 

He sighed of both relief and sadness as it was a shame that the encounter was so short but Kageyama was also glad that he managed to make it through the whole thing without saying anything too stupid.

He automatically tore the straw off of the side of the carton, peeling off the protective plastic and before he stabbed it through the top of his beverage, he took a moment to study what you had written on it and he couldn’t help but smile. 

Of course, it was your number. And obviously he inputted it into his contacts the first chance he got.

‧̍̊˙· 𓆝.° ｡˚𓆛˚｡ °.𓆞 ·˙‧̍̊

Kageyama saw your house approaching on the horizon and he bit his lip at the realisation that he had no idea how he was going to get inside as usually you’d be aware that he’s coming over and open the door beforehand but you had already expressed your disapproval for him visiting you while you’re sick. 

However, he managed to compromise with you during lunch so he was allowed to come see you after volleyball practise but once the bell rang, his instincts told him that he needed to be with you as soon as possible. 

He trotted up to your front door, murmuring his prayers as he rattled the door handle - letting out a breath through his nose as the door opened, enabling Kageyama to slide inside, gently shut the door behind him, slip his shoes off and trek up to your room. 

“Kageyama?” you whined, rubbing your eyes as you heard the sound of familiar paces ascending up the stairs. There was no need for you to even glance at the time displayed on your alarm clock for you to know that volleyball hadn’t finished yet, but for some reason dopeyama was still outside your bedroom door.

“Can I come in?” he asked, lightly chapping on your bedroom door a few times and then invited himself inside once he heard a groan from inside your room, taking it as a yes.

As he entered the room - immediately being greeted by the signature overwhelming scent of vanilla essence - he threw his bag down by the door before flopping down at the end of your bed, giving himself the chance to catch his breath.

“Kageyama,” you moaned, feeling him crush your feet as he laid back on them, “Why the fuck are you here?” Didn’t I tell you to go to practise first? Your temperature had gotten better since this morning but you were still too fatigued to deal with your boyfriend’s antics right now. 

After hastily shifting his position at the end of your bed so he was no longer squashing your ankles, he shot you a sympathetic look accompanied by a gentle pat on the leg, “I don’t know. I just had the feeling that I needed to see you quickly - probably boyfriend intuition.” 

You scoffed in attempt to hide the chuckle brimming at the back of your throat, “Ah, yes. Well, you and your ‘boyfriend intuition’ should probably go back to practise.”

However, your comment was just met by Kageyama’s blank stare. 

As much as it pained you to think through your splitting headache, you couldn’t help but wonder why Kageyama would do something like that just to see you and what was this ‘boyfriend intuition’ he spoke of? (and where did he even learn the word ‘intuition’ -  it seems a bit advanced for his vocabulary, to be honest.)

You weren’t alone in your confusion though, Kageyama was equally - if not more - puzzled as to why he felt so selfless today. It frustrated him to no end as to why he was unable to pinpoint an answer. 

Plus, the more he gazed longingly - or rather, gawped - into your eyes, he felt a warm, foreign feeling spread throughout his chest; for a moment, he thought he was about to have a heart-attack but he quickly omitted that idea as the sensation didn’t hurt at all - in fact, he found it quite pleasant, hence he was unable to pry his eyes off you.

“Kags, what are you doing? You eventually questioned as you found that his intense gaze was preventing you from relaxing.

Upon hearing your voice interrupt his spiralling thoughts, he was able to finally blink and clear the tinge of red that was beginning to form in his eyes from holding them open for so long. 

Kageyama simply sighed, completely disregarding your question as he blurted out the compliment that his mind has been urging him to say since he first walked into the room, “You’re so beautiful.” His apathetic tone didn’t assist in making it seem genuine but the fact he chose to use ‘beautiful’ rather than ‘cool’ or ‘pretty’ like he usually does, was quite impressive.

Without delay, you yanked the duvet up to hide your face as you muttered curses under your breath directed at Kageyama and his poorly-timed ‘jokes’. What you failed to realise was that Kageyama was being dead serious but your insecurities wouldn’t allow you to believe that he would sincerely compliment you while knowing that you weren’t wearing any make-up and you probably looked like a mess. Not that you’d know though as you hadn’t looked in a mirror since yesterday night - perhaps your bed-head was cute?

Your answer along with how you thought he was mocking you, quickly made Kageyama defensive of his statement. “Dumb-ass, it wasn’t a joke.” His aggressive tone making an expected comeback. He tugged on the blanket so it escaped your weak grip and he could see your face again, the cozy feeling returning to his chest as he momentarily held eye-contact with you.

You pouted now that your upper body was exposed to the chilly climate of your room due to Kageyama pulling your blanket away, “Did you come here just to annoy me?” You whined, leaning forward to snatch your duvet back so you could shield your torso from the nippy air. “And why do you keep staring at me with that stupid look on your face?” You snapped, aware that your accusatory behaviour could be mistaken as ungratefulness but in your defence, your pounding headache and general nausea wasn’t helping you be the kindest, most patient version of yourself at the moment.

Luckily, Kageyama paid no mind to your critical tone and instead focussed on wracking his mind for an answer to your question but of course, he had nothing.

He knew better than to keep hiding his feeling and issues from you, though. As he had been open to you about his problems in the past and nothing but good things came afterwards; you aided Kageyama in his dilemma so it’s not as if you had a bad track record with understand or listening.

Plus, when you and him first started dating, he had no idea how to do..anything, basically. So he went to Sugawara (and Tanaka, but that’s a different story) for advice and the rule Suga put the most emphasis on was to ‘always be honest with your partner and communicate’ and - by Kageyama logic - Sugawara had grey hair, just like that of old people, therefore he must be wise like old people too.

Anyway, all of these reasons - including the fact that Kageyama wasn’t very good at hiding his emotions around you - led to him doing the rather embarrassing act of attempting to explain his situation to you, baring in mind that Kageyama was far from silver tongued.

“I don’t know - I just felt like I had to come here to see you instead of going to practise because I hated the idea that you might be, like.. suffering, I guess.” he unravelled, selecting each word carefully to make sure he doesn’t say something either cringey or confusing. “And whenever I look at you I get a weird feeling in my chest and at first I thought I was having a heart-attack but I kinda ruled that out because I remembered when my sister told me that diary was good for the heart.”

You hummed understandingly, getting a little giggle out of Kageyama’s last comment. “Perhaps someone made a Voodoo doll of you and - coincidentally - sticks a peg through it’s heart every time you look at me.” You suggested jokingly but frowning at the look of realisation that struck Kageyama as you said that.

“Maybe. But it doesn’t hurt, though. It’s kinda a nice feeling.” He mused, casually draping his arm over your leg and lightly tapping your thigh with his index finger. 

You sighed as you watched the ravenette shift his gaze onto the ceiling, deciding that now would probably be a good time to give him some reassurance as you could tell that he was genuinely troubled.

“Well, I really appreciate you coming over rather than going to volleyball practise, that’s really sweet of you.” However, your attempt at being nice was met by his silence as he continued to stare intently at the ceiling, so you figured you’d give it one more go.

“You’re the best boyfriend I could ask for; I love you, Tobio.” You cooed, frowning as you received nothing but taciturnity in response. However, you simply didn’t have the energy to pry at him right now so you huffed before turning over onto your side, expecting that to be your last interaction with your boyfriend for the day - which would allow you to at least get some rest.

But of course, you’d be mistaken if you thought he was going to let you go to sleep that easily. He shuffled around in the bed until he was hugging your legs as if he was a Koala clinging to a tree, viewing this as the best alternative to spooning as he didn’t want to catch..whatever you had.

His rested against his cheek against your mid-thigh comfortably but due to both his height and how far down he was on the bed, half of his body was hanging off the edge. He was completely fine with that though, so long as his top half was relaxed.

“I love you too, (Y/N).” He spoke, muffled by the fabric covering your thigh. “More than volleyball.” He felt the need to add, finally realising that he had grown a soft-spot for you that he was more than happy to accept.

That was more than enough to set your cheeks ablaze so you buried your face into your pillow to hide it; something about what he said set off fireworks in your mind. It was the addition of 3 words that truly touched your heart as you knew that you’d no longer have to sit in second place against a sport - which wasn’t competition that you’d often worry about but simply a thought that you harboured. 

To hide how flustered you were, you outstretched your arm to teasingly ruffle Kageyama’s hair but after heinous act, you were simply met by an underwhelming grumble of disapproval. “Go to sleep, stupid.”

Ah yes, we love to see it, folks. Kageyama being the softest one moment and the biggest bitch the next. An Icon.